1. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
2. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
3. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
4. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
5. I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.
6. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
7. Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
8. I have a photographic memory, but I always forget to bring my camera.
9. Why don’t oysters share their pearls? They’re shellfish.
10. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
11. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
12. Why do fish live in saltwater? Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
13. What do you call a group of cows playing instruments? A moo-sical band.
14. I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands.
15. I’m reading a book about teleportation. It’s bound to take me places.
16. Why don’t ants get sick? They have tiny ant-bodies.
17. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a trampoline and a well-dressed man on a trampoline? Attire.
18. What do you call a group of cows playing instruments? A moo-sical band.
19. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
20. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
21. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
22. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
23. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumbly.
24. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.
25. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.